Eventually

Eventually, I will forget about the sweet promises you whispered into my ear during those cozy nights we spent together. I will stop thinking about all the plans we made – our fluffy white bed, our ideal weekend together, our future puppy. The way you made me pinky promise that our ideal weekend would come true. The way you gave me your heart. The way you promised you would never break mine.

Having a vivid memory is both a blessing and a curse. I remember writing the first blog post about you. A hundred and fifty two kilometres per hour. I remember the time you pointed to my finger, and told me how you can’t wait to one day put a ring on it. When my friend and I joked about getting hitched by thirty, you gently pulled me to the side and told me that you would marry me. How you looked me in the eye and told me that you would never leave me. The way you picked me up in the middle of the grocery store, spun me around, and told me that you have never been happier in your life, and wanted to spend the rest of your life with me.

I guess I learned the hard way that promises are meant to be broken. I loved you – carefully and slowly at first. Then like a thunderstorm, it all came crashing down. I believed every word, every kiss, every promise. I truly believed that we would go through every step together. Well, I was wrong. Thank you for creating some of the happiest times of my life with me. Thank you for lying in bed and night and talking about our happy future together. Thank you for listening to me attempting to rap. Thank you, for teaching me that no matter how much you love someone, no matter how many promises you make, no matter how  hard you try and how much you’re willing to give up, your heart can still get broken into a billion pieces.

I have never experienced something so unexpected, so crazy, so unknown, … so thrilling. Our love was a roller coaster that was going 152 km/hr. I guess the roller coaster has come to a halt. Well, here’s one last promise. Eventually, I will move on. I will be okay. I promise.

“Always remember that I will hold your hand through anything.”

Where are you now?

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Like flowers at the funeral

It was beautiful. The way he looked at her, like nothing else mattered in the world. She was his world – she was his princess, his best friend, and the love of his life. He loved her like he’s never loved before. She loved him more than she knew she could love. From being in love with him, she learned that happiness was not just a word – she felt it every time she was with him.

It was beautiful. The way they made up after every argument, every disagreement, every silence. They thought that whatever the stumbles that came up, they were able to fight through it together, and let their love over come it. She thought that her love for him would overcome all her worries. She loved him more than she had planned – she loved him more than anything else in the world. Every time she looked at him, she counted her blessings and thanked the world for sending him her way. She never wanted to let him go, she never planned to let him go. She hoped that she would be in his arms for the rest of their lives.

It was beautiful. The way they both tried to salvage what was the greatest struggle of their love. She cried and screamed and begged him to give them another chance, to give their love another chance. She made last attempts to keep their relationship alive in a situation that she knew was dying. She felt like she gave it her all but it wasn’t enough. She knew that he was slowly drifting away from her. She was so in love with the memories.

She pointed at the white haired old couple at the restaurant, sharing dinner together. “I hope that will be us one day,” she said to him. “Don’t hope,” he said, “it will be us one day. It will.”

Their love was beautiful. Like the flowers at the funeral.

Like flowers at the funeral

It was beautiful. The way he looked at her, like nothing else mattered in the world. She was his world – she was his princess, his best friend, and the love of his life. He loved her like he’s never loved before. She loved him more than she knew she could love. From being in love with him, she learned that happiness was not just a word – she felt it every time she was with him.

It was beautiful. The way they made up after every argument, every disagreement, every silence. They thought that whatever the stumbles that came up, they were able to fight through it together, and let their love over come it. She thought that her love for him would overcome all her worries. She loved him more than she had planned – she loved him more than anything else in the world. Every time she looked at him, she counted her blessings and thanked the world for sending him her way. She never wanted to let him go, she never planned to let him go. She hoped that she would be in his arms for the rest of their lives.

It was beautiful. The way they both tried to salvage what was the greatest struggle of their love. She cried and screamed and begged him to give them another chance, to give their love another chance. She made last attempts to keep their relationship alive in a situation that she knew was dying. She felt like she gave it her all but it wasn’t enough. She knew that he was slowly drifting away from her. She was so in love with the memories.

She pointed at the white haired old couple at the restaurant, sharing dinner together. “I hope that will be us one day,” she said to him. “Don’t hope,” he said, “it will be us one day. It will.”

Their love was beautiful. Like the flowers at the funeral.

I’m where the stars are born right?

Encouragements act like huge containers of whey protein – it’s anabolic, so people thrive off of that stuff. I believe that youngsters should be fed encouragement more so than picky criticism. Just think about it, who is more likely to be confident and succeed – the kid who was told “you can do it as long as you give it your all, I believe in you” or the one that was stated to, “you will never make it in this industry, accept that now and don’t even bother”?

As my internship with an amazing financial firm is coming to an end, I sat at my desk and reflected upon the past 8 months (while jamming to underground hip hop music with my earphones on, thanks kmdkt!). A year ago, I was stuck in another field doing something I absolutely did not enjoy, and being in the business industry I am today was only a distant dream. I was told that I didn’t have the competitive edge to make it in the cut throat finance world, and that with my medical background I can never step in the doors. But through all the discouragement, there were people in my life who helped light the way, people who told me that simply starting in the wrong place does not mean you can’t end at the right one. So I listened to those who believed in me and worked harder than an engineering student during finals.

I guess I learned the ultimate meaning of keeping positivity in life and filtering out the negative ones. It’s about believing in yourself, working for it with everything your mama gave you, and never forgetting to enjoy the ride. Unleash your hidden potential. You’re at where the stars are born.

10 things MEN should never do to LADIES.

1. Get her pregnant, accidentally.

Ok let’s face it. This is the classic, “FUCK. What do I do now”… So, use a condom, take the pill, … which ever. Just don’t be that guy who ends up finding they’re the father on Maury.

 

2. Wait for at least x number of minutes to reply her text.

Girls do that all the time to guys. Yes, we’re sorry, but we just like to play like that. But if you stop that habit then we will too. We HATE waiting by our phones until your text pops up…..2 hours later.

 

3. Flirt with other girls while she’s with you.

She probably spent 2 hours on her make up alone. She most likely daydreamed about this many times. She’s been looking forward to this date forever. Even if you think that she’s not the one, at least respect her enough to act like a gentleman.

 

4. Comment negatively on her appearance.

She did this all to impress you. She’s still learning. The eyeliner might not be perfect and accessories may not have matched her carefully picked out outfit, but it’s the effort that counts right?

 

5. Not replying her text.

Girls want to talk to you. They might play hard to get, but at the end of the day, they just want to lie in bed at night and text you. They want to know how your day went, how that extremely difficult meeting was, and what you were doing at that moment in life. She probably misses you. ALOT.

 

6. Sweet talk her for sex.

It’s one of the oldest tricks in the book. Yes, it might work. But at the end of the day, do you really want to get her hopes up, make her fall in love with your sweet words, only to find out later that all that was just for getting into her pants? Grow some balls of respect.

 

7.  Act like you don’t give a fuck to “play it cool”.

Because she will actually think you don’t. She could be desperately in love with you. And you with her. But it’s stalemate cause both of you are too pussy to say something about it. You’re the man. So man up. She has her sweet sides to show you. Giver her a chance to show them to you. This isn’t grade 3 when whom you have a crush on is the world’s biggest secret.

 

8. Show up late.

She’s probably thinking about a million things. Is he talking to another (prettier/hotter/sexier) girl? Did he forget his phone? Does he not care? Did he forget about our meet up? Did he get stuck in traffic? Is he dead????? You see, unless you’re dead, try not to be late.

 

9. Stand her up.

This is probably one of the WORST things you can do to a girl. This is her worst nightmare about the meet up. If you can’t make it, don’t try to push it. Reschedule, she’ll understand. If you’re going to be late, tell her. If you forgot your phone, use 25 cents and a public pay phone (and some hand sanitizer afterwards), or borrow someone else’s. If you don’t want her company, don’t schedule the meet up in the first place. Whatever the reason is, if you planned to meet up, then you better show up.

 

10. Let her go without explanation.

Some of the most difficult goodbyes are the ones that are never said and never explained. If you think that you guys don’t click, tell her. If you don’t have time for a relationship because you are too busy/committed to making money, take a few minutes and explain it to her – just tell her that you love money more than you love her. It’s perfectly understandable in today’s society. But if you simply just don’t want her in your life anymore, at least tell her.

 

 

the guys you meet in college majors

1. The engineer. Truly genius creatures when it comes to circuits and MatLabs and whatever else it is that they do (design computer programs???), however, they’re CLUELESS when it comes to girls. They mean all the best in the world, but have absolutely no freaking clue how to present those feelings. Exhibit A: a friend of mine is a genius engineer – top of his class, the future of Silicon Valley. He often talks to me about his women troubles – why won’t she text me back? Does she like me, pleeasseee? But when it comes down to it, he freaked out and asked the girl out like this: “I will take you to the most expensive restaurant in the city, and I will rent a limo to pick you up.” He meant every single word of that, but scared the chick away. Jaaysus.

2. The kinesiology major. 99% of them look like Abercrombie & Fitch models, and have awesome outgoing personalities. So, you better resemble some version of a Victoria Secret angel to snatch one of those.

3. The Mathie. Unless you play League of Legends, speak Chinese, or watch Asian dramas, you can’t really make good friends with them. You can try, but they’ll just end up going to their own little circle.

4. The business/finance guy. I still don’t know how to spell actua…actuari… you get the point.

5. The science student. Down to earth, super good person. But maybe a little too …. nice. They can talk on and on about covalent bonds and valence electrons, but they really don’t know how to crack a girl’s code.

6. The arts dude. There something about those late night drunken philosophical conversations that make these men interesting. During second year, I partied with these arts major dudes form the university down the road. They were fun, open minded, and just a blast to be with.

7. The child prodigy. 15 and in university? Umm … come back and talk to me when you’re legal. I feel like a pedobear.

8. The Indecisive one. We all know that one guy who started off in engineering then switched to business then switched to psych then something else. Well, at least their parents are still paying their bills right?

the other girl

She walked past a beautiful party by the lakefront patio. She didn’t care much to see the event, but her eyes spotted a familiar face. It was him. He looked radiant. Charismatic. Handsome. Basically, he looked like all the poise and confidence and charm bottled up into one and placed inside a human being. He was still perfection. She watched as he conversed with the others, who were dressed in crisp Armani suits and flowy Chanel dresses. She watched from the street toward the venue, while the festivities were happening up on the meticulously arranged patio. His daughters pranced around him. He leaned down to kiss his wife on the cheek. He looked happy. She looked down at the clutch she was carrying – the stunning Hermes clutch that he had once bought for her.

~

“The way that the flap inserts into the H represents us” he had said. “It’s like the way our lives just inserts in each other. A perfect fit.” But that was 4 years ago, when she was only 22. She remembered the first time he walked into her art gallery, to purchase a piece for his new office.

“I like to support emerging artists” he said matter-of-factly, “gives me a fresh perspective.”

He then went on and charmed her skirt off.

He would come by her art gallery once in a while. He’d casually stroll in on a Thursday night in his perfectly tailored suit, pretending to decipher the themes of her latest projects. But they both knew he wasn’t there to appreciate the beauty of modern photography. So they would go to the roof top of the building and watch the city below them transform into a dark pool of dancing lights. He would always bring a bottle of wine. She would always have the blanket ready for them to sit on … for her to lay her bare back on.

She remembered the way he would take his tie off and unwind from the day with her over their crystal wine glasses. She often stayed up until 2 am just to wait for him to come by from the office. She would listen to him talk about his frustrating meeting, his analysis about the current market, … his feelings for her. He had a way with his words. He always knew how to make her laugh, how to make her think, and how to make her heart melt into a puddle of hope.

They’d sit side by side on the cold, white floor of the gallery, and she could feel the heat emitting from his veins. He would go on about what happened in his world that day, then lean in to kiss her. She would share her dreams and goals, and lean back then let him take over and do what they both knew they wanted. Moments like those made her feel like all her hard work of making it into the art gallery was worth it, because it helped her meet him.

Eventually, she couldn’t help but sit by her work chair every night and stare at the hallway, hoping that the suit would appear. Each time he came in, she didn’t want him to leave. There was something about him – like her whole life was the first 2 numbers on those high school gym lockers – he was the third number that finally made the dial click in place and unlock. She was drawn to him. Became addicted to him.

Their “relationship” however, went no further than the rooftops, the backseat behind his tinted car windows, the loft behind her studio. On her 23rd birthday, he came in with a package in hand. It was a gorgeous Hermes clutch. She stared at her present. It wasn’t the fact that he had just bought a two-thousand dollar clutch for her. It was because it was from him. He had the heart to go out and purchase something so beautiful, just for her. She couldn’t hold it in any longer: “Let’s go get away this weekend. Just us.” She half asked, half begged. She admired the brilliant the outlines of his face, which suddenly became very cloudy. His expression made her want to swallow her words back in and bury them deep into a hole that would never be found. Her heart sank as she realized that her worst nightmares were about to come true.

“I have to spend it with my wife.” He stated, as-a-matter-of-factly.

Her sky collapsed and shattered into a million pieces.

She remembered the events which unfolded afterwards.

Her tears, his words of comfort.

She remembered not replying his messages for a week.

She didn’t know it was possible for her heart to actually ache.

 

She remembered closing the doors of her gallery, only to open them again when he knocked. She tried to let him go. But eventually she gave up and tried to make him see things her way. She must have been crazy, because she finally asked him to leave his wife and be with her.  She realized that the beauty of their relationship could never be accepted. But what they don’t know is how she felt. She was, for the first time of her life, in love.

The months after the big news eventually went back to what they used to be – visits at the gallery, lovemaking by the rooftop, his sweet words and promising lies. Then one windy afternoon as she was walking to the downtown coffee shop she saw him across the street. He hasn’t visited or texted in a while. He was perfect as always with his charcoal black suit, and was about to get into the corporate taxi. Her heart raced, her adrenaline rushed. She looked at him, smiled, and waved. He looked up at her, with an expression of the deepest despair.

She called out his name.

He got into the car and slammed the door shut.

 

 

 

How to get a girl 101

A little piece of mind on how to “get the girl”. For boys/guys/men who mean the best but do not know how to show it.

1. Exercise your manners. Maybe down the road we can utilize “F” words and other equally vulgar vocabularies, but keep it clean on the first few dates. Initial impressions speak a lot about your character. So please, be a gentleman – act mature, and open the door for us, and be polite. It’s good practice for adulthood anyway.

2. Groom yourselves. You don’t have to look like David Beckham on the latest cover photo of Vanity Fair. But if you like the girl and if she likes you back then at least be prepared to smell good up close. If she wants to kiss you, you don’t want your greasy hair, unwashed shirt, and onion breath to turn her beautiful lips away, right?

3. FOOD. Yes, girls love to be thin. But we love food even more. I mean, just the mere thought of tender, fall-off-the-bone honey garlic ribs with creamy coleslaw and fresh alfredo penne makes me happy. The solution? Feed us deliciously irresistible cuisine and compliment our figure. It’s a win win. Who knows, if you satisfy a girl with a wonderful meal, maybe she’ll surprise you with a protein dessert 😉

4. Time is golden. Don’t wait until tomorrow, next week, next month. If you like her, talk to her today. Maybe tomorrow someone else will catch her attention. Maybe she’ll be busy. Every minute spent waiting is a golden minute wasted.

5. Tell the truth. If you want to ask her out on a date, just do it. Straight to the point – don’t beat around the bush. Make sure she knows its a date, not just two friends hanging out. That way she won’t be wondering for the rest of the night whether it’s a date or not, and can just concentrate on being with you.

6. Relax. Be yourself. You want her to fall in love with the real you, not the person you pretend to be.

7. Come clean. And I don’t mean this in a sexual way. If you have baggage, let it out up front. Don’t hide who you are – if you’re secretly spider man, just tell her – maybe she’s into the whole kinky spider web thing. That way it’s off your shoulders and you got rid of the elephant in the room. Let her decide whether this is the person she wants to pursue further with. If she accepts you for who you are, then consider yourself lucky and feel honoured that she loves you for, well, you!

8. Don’t make assumptions. If you see her with anther guy, don’t automatically assume that she’s into him or vice versa. Maybe they’re just hanging out. Maybe they’re cousins. Maybe he’s gay and is totally in love with his glamourously fab boyfriend. You just never know.

9. Enjoy the ride. Cat and mouse is one of the most exciting stages of a budding relationship. The ‘she loves me, she loves me not’ suspense is more thrilling than dropping down a roller coaster ride. So, try your best, give it your all, and take in every second. Falling in love is the best feeling in life.

The gift that keeps on giving

We choose who we hurt in this world, but we don’t get to choose who hurts us. We open our vulnerable heart and soul to others, fully allowing them the power to make us or destroy us. We can’t help but like someone … trust someone. The feelings slowly creep up against us, and when it can no longer be ignored, we’re already at a point of no return. A point where you know that pushing those feelings away is correct choice, but not the right choice. You can’t help but want to believe the best of someone, whole-heartedly trust every word they say, and reserve feelings for them in the core of your heart – feelings you know can’t go away. Won’t go away.

Hurting someone is the gift that keeps on giving. We get hurt, and we in turn hurt others to try and satisfy the bitterness we endured. We want to cling on to every clue, every hint that the story will have a happy ending, even though we know how it’s actually going to end. We soared so high, enjoyed every thrill and every rush, only to find out that it’s finally come to the point of inevitableness. The point where you have no choice but to crash and burn. You feel yourself decelerate, and you realize that this is the ugly truth. This is the ending that you dreaded, that you knew was going to happen, that you hoped wouldn’t. This is the part where you hoped the director would yell cut and film the alternate ending instead. The show is finally over and you’re left with nothing but memories. Memories you wish you could go back and revisit, memories that make you smile with every laughter you remember, and cry with every tear you cherished.

This is the curse that never stops.

A letter to all the downtown suits

Back when I turned 20 years old, I was partying in a relatively upscale club under the Thompson Hotel in Toronto. 6-inch gold glittery heels, a short lace see-through dress, and my post-hot-yoga body. I was single, happy, and just wanted to go out and enter my 20’s in style. Out of the crowd, I picked out a young, blond, medium build. After a few minutes of grinding to an electro remix of Party Rock Anthem (yes, those were the days!), we exchanged a few words. He was James, 25, world traveller, financier. Being a girl who is in love with the world of cut throat business, I asked him a few professional questions. He worked at a few white collar firms downtown, even did a gig in Hong Kong. “But now I’m on to Bay Street!” He said, followed by a dazzling smile that says, therefore I’m creme de la creme ….. . For those who are not familiar with Toronto, Bay Street is a mini Wall Street filled with great i-banks, law firms, and finance companies. It’s also the most concentrated place for cute little suits walking around like a sea of Tom Ford wannabes. That’s great, I said to him. He smiled back, pulled me even closer, and proceeded to trying to make out with me (and then some). He must have thought that being a Bay Street slave in a nice suit was the automatic ticket to second base. Well, reality check. No deal, bro.

I almost forgot about this incident until a couple months later, when I was talking to a finance major in university. “A relationship is like a corporate firm,” he stated with pride, “You find a firm you like and you COMMIT to it, even if it means working 80 hours a week.” I was shocked for a second, not knowing what to say. We were just talking about general relationship advice, why bring in your work place out of nowhere? It was a basement party with lots of booze, not exactly a place where I would think about corporate firms. Sure enough, a few minutes later, yet another finance major approached. This one’s nose is even higher. And he attempted to get my number. After a few minutes of chatting, he just couldn’t wait to get it out of him. “My friends and I work at Big 4. Only the cream of the crop in our program gets in to the Big 4.” He gloated. Really? I thought. I mean, as soon as he said that, the gloomy/stuffy offices of a PricewaterhouseCoopers LLP building appeared in my head. Not exactly the sexiest image, is it? Do you really want a girl to see you as some cult member of KPMG while you’re trying to get her into bed? A 9 am to 11 pm workday with no overtime pay isn’t exactly the most ideal.

Now don’t get me wrong, I’m all for working hard and taking pride for your achievements. There’s nothing wrong with being happy about making it into a firm of your dreams, and establishing a solid career base for yourself. However, it is wrong to think that you’re above everybody else because of it. It’s wrong to think that just because you belong to certain companies at certain places of the city, you’re somehow a better human than the others. Other people may have traits that you lack – better judgement, a talent with dance, the ability to love. People in other professions might probably even make more money than you, work less hours, and have a loving family. So, quit slapping your company name during every conversation, and let the other person get to know the person behind the suit.